❆ 1st Present ❆ [public video post] [BACKDATED to September 2]

[saltysanta]

[Have a young man in a monocle and top hat, complete with a sprig of mistletoe decorating the band, (which seems to be nothing but a belt wrapped around it) squinting dubiously into the mirror.]

She said this is some kind of..... magical intelligent telegraph, right.....? You just talk to it?

[It's a little hard to use, even after Fumiko had showed him the basics, but he's working on it--and his uncertainty is quickly covered with an irritated, impatient look.]

Right, then. Anyone who can see this, listen up! I'm looking for a reindeer with a red nose or a tall guy with long silver hair! They--he answers to Rudolph. You can probably get the idiot's attention with candy or cakes, okay? He belongs with me, and he's going to be in big trouble if he's here but hasn't tried to find me yet. You hear me, Rudolph? You'd better have a good explanation, or I'm cutting you off from sweets for a whole week!

.....Now, how do I make it go.....?

[There's a long beat of silence between his message and his realization that he's not sure how to send it. Noël's scowl softens a little in confusion as he starts poking at the mirror with a gloved hand; a few seconds later, the message ends.]

Comments

[gottastaycalm]

They're not cute, and I only like being introduced to cute girls.

[saltysanta]

You must live in your own little world, if you think you can go through life only meeting cute girls.....

[gottastaycalm]

[ A wink. ]

You're just don't try hard enough.

[ By age 5, he'd already seen so many boobies, it's really unfair that things aren't so simple as they were back then. ]

[saltysanta]

Idiot..... I have more important things to worry about than girls.

[Translation: He hasn't tried at all. His boobies counter is a big fat 0; he probably didn't even have any female friends growing up. Gender segregation was alive and well in Victorian England.]

[gottastaycalm]

[ A quiet grin. ]

Like delivering presents on Christmas eve?

[saltysanta]

Exactly.

[Arms folded, totally serious.]

[gottastaycalm]

Eehhh?!!

[ He was kidding! ]

[saltysanta]

What?

[He wasn't, though. Sorry, Lambo!]

[gottastaycalm]

You're Santa Claus?!!!

Eeeerk--

[ How many times had he insulted him?!!! Oh god. ]

Please don't give me coal! I'll be nice.

[saltysanta]

I'm one of them, at least. But Italy is part of my territory, so I'm probably your Santa.

[Have a snort. As entertaining as it is to watch people freak out.....]

I don't care whether you're naughty or nice. That's just something adults made up to hold over your head.

1/3

[gottastaycalm]

[ What???? There's more than one Santa?! ]

Does that mean La Befana isn't one lady either?

2/3

[gottastaycalm]

[ Wait a minute. If he had Italy then HE definitely is his Santa Claus! Crap! Good thing he buttered him up with food already. Maybe he should make him Christmas cookies too. Next time. He'll make them from scratch and decorate--- ]

3/3

[gottastaycalm]

What do you mean? [ A slow blink. ] I can be naughty and still get gifts?

Gokudera-shi lied to me...

[saltysanta]

La Befana--she was one of my predecessors, I think. Santas can be girls, too, and I haven't had this job for that long.

[He doesn't actually know that much about all the Santas that came before him, not even Lord Klaus. After all, the mortality rate for this work is..... pretty high, to be honest. Well over two dozen Santas had come before him. Noël sighs and rubs his temples.]

Look..... I told you when we met that I fight monsters, right? Do you know why Santa Claus brings people gifts in the first place? Being good or bad has nothing to do with it.

[gottastaycalm]

[ Look. He's just a dumb cow, he doesn't know anything about evil forces going against Christmas bringing in their own evil monsters! Or whatever is going on. So he's rightly confused and maybe a little scared. ]

Then... what does it have to do with?

[saltysanta]

We bring you presents to make you happy. When kids are miserable or terrified or in despair..... there are things out there whose favorite meal is children whose hearts and souls are in turmoil, or who are ready to give up. And if they come around looking for a meal, we try to be there to kill them first.

It doesn't matter how you act; until you're old enough that they aren't interested anymore, our job is to keep you safe.

[gottastaycalm]

You kept me safe?

[ By battling monsters? ]

[saltysanta]

Maybe not you specifically; I don't think we ever met before coming here. But pretty much.

[gottastaycalm]

Grazie.

[saltysanta]

You're welcome.

[He's not entirely sure how to feel, to be honest. It's a thankless job in a lot of ways, difficult and dangerous and exhausting, and he's never going to get paid for any of it. This is..... probably the first time anyone has ever really acknowledged his work at all, too. It's..... kind of nice, though?]

You're probably still a few years away from being safe, I'd say.

[gottastaycalm]

[ A blink of surprise. ]

But I'm already 15.

[ In his mind, he's practically an adult now. ]

[saltysanta]

Veal calves take time to grow into beef cows, you know? Children are a delicacy, but they get less appealing to those monsters the more fully grown they are. It depends on the person, but usually somewhere between 18 and 21 is when they stop trying.

[gottastaycalm]

That long?

Yare, yare. No one's ever going to see me as an adult, are they?

[saltysanta]

Maybe not..... Then again, you don't have to be an adult to act like one. I'm not that much older than you.

[gottastaycalm]

[ That gets his attention. ]

How much older?

[ Now he wants to know. ]